A friend told me just the other day, "It is easy to be a man. The difficult part is how to be a human." Like the carrots and the eggs, we go through life and suffer pain without our acceptance of it, of course. And just the other day, I witnessed myself cursing life and cursing death and, with fist in the air, whispered, "I did not asked for this! Yet why do I bear it?!!"

...Like a brat that waits for the food to be set on the table, I am now in my thirties. I did not asked for sour soup. I wanted honeys. But without any precondition of thought, I get served with what I did not expect. And the anger and the fury ang the rage. "D@#$ you!!! D#$%# you to death!!!" as I reckon with Fate.

...Yet I had years of listening to Silence and have been an earnest student of it. Somewhere along the way, it has taught me the significance of the Now, and the restlessness of oneself when bogged down by terrible Fate from the past. One's present condition cannot be denied, but One should not be paralyzed by it. We become hard shells because of the Wicked Past and how we fear of it's repetition. And yet this is the one thing we should definitely avoid, because by being so, hardened as hard can be, we become immune to what really gives life meaning, like zombies, the walking dead (sorry, one of my favorite symbolisms).

Some time ago, I talked about my being schizophrenic in my memory ---I can remember my high school life and the Now but not in between. And yet my life has become disjointed and jumbled and jaded and broken to millions of pieces. But lately, I somehow have been able to reconnect the dots. I do not know how, but that I can now. Maybe to fashion my state of mind and understanding with full acceptance of where I am, I have been able to see my feet today as the same feet that has been journeying life since then in my memorable youth. And to have captured today who I was then, with all the stupidity, cupidity, and openness of the heart, and be able to commune with that Soul of the Past, I said to my feet, "Well, this is where we are now. So, where to next?" as I look around at the Living World.

...Today, life can't be any better, only for reasons that now I can stand, open, and walking again. I sure still miss my friends though. Ah! Such is just the classic Immigrant Life!!! >:b