Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Far from people's perception of my state, I am actually happy. Troubles come and go. Situations arise, and either you tackle it, or run away (or better said, fight or fly away). People at times misconstrue the news of death of one person, then another, then again another on this post, as a negative note (There was actually a blog I posted I think about two years ago now that friends have misinterpreted as a suicide note... ugh!!). And while it's true that I have been depressed for a long time (as I openly admit, I don't think there is anything to hide about that), it's been a journey of discovery of some sort. In any case, as many depressive "patients" would tell you, depression never goes away. It is a lifetime thing.

Now, with all that said, what I'm trying to say is this--- yes, it's true. There was a time when I saw the glass as half-empty. And that glass was really half-empty for a long time (or depleted if you really want to know my state then). It's been a long path to self-recovery... then now, in this place and time. I am actually proud of myself to have struggle through those years. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. (One of the keys to get out of that state is to knowing one's self, one's history, to understand one's coping mechanisms and outlook in life. I can refer a book to anyone interested to know more, not a self-help one. It is titled "Learned Optimism" by the renowned psychologist Martin Seligman who by the way pioneered the theory on depression to how we now know it today; his finalized approach borrows from the cognitive scool in psychology).

Nowadays, there are times when I feel the blues. That is normal, even for the patient. But knowing whether to let it just pass by or to do something to struggle through it is key. Finding the right balance and approach. And the main thing is being true to yourself, not denying the situation, analyzing it and finding ways (if it's needed) to work it out. I'm ommitting a lot of things right now, like finding a support network, eating habits, waking patterns, and other behavioral and attitudinal aspects of the "therapy". I guess I can elaborate on that some other time, as this blog entry is now already turning out to be a lecture of some sort, haha.

In short, I am actually ok. I may not be the most jolly person you know, but I am happy where I am at. I may write about death and all that, but that's just me. At times, I wrestle with the idea, especially now that I (or we) am in the middle years of my life. (I can still play half-court basketball though, just until six :)) I do like to understand life more.

PS. actually, if you find me at the right time, I am the most jolly person you know. but I hide that nowadays, reserve it for special friends.

3 Comments:

At 9:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am simply and humbly moved by your honesty!

 
At 10:31 AM, Anonymous melagladdie said...

who says you're not jolly?

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger Graziella said...

Jand, I am happy to know that you're happy.
But how I wish I can experience your jolly side more or be a part of that circle of "special friends" with whom you show your jolly side to. :)

 

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