Tuesday, March 28, 2006

"LIMERATING" effect

It is quite a weird feeling to be swirled by your emotions. Two weeks ago, I was riding the BART (i.e. LRT dito sa amin) and happen to notice another passenger. Woman that she is, she is fine. As in, she's like a magnet that, whatever iron there is inside you, gets easily sucked by her. Kumbaga para siyang hangin ng bagyo na hinahagis ka parang dahong palipad-lipad. So since I wasn't particularly doing anything but waiting for my stop, I simply just stared at her. She was talking to some of her friends, and laughing (giggling) at whatever I cannot really understand since we sit on opposite ends of the train. But by god! The way she portrays herself! That smile. The face that is fully lit like there's no tomorrow and there never was any painful past... Actually, it may even be an understatement to say that she is lovely. SHE IS MAGNIFICENT, I should say,... SHE IS QUITE AMAZING... SHE IS ---SO PROFOUNDLY BEAUTIFUL. (She also happened to look like one I made ligaw-ligaw in high school and who busted me so many times... Haha!)

Anyway, much as I pretended to not notice, I'm pretty sure she figured I was staring at her. Yet I just kept on staring. And I immerse myself in the feeling of the moment. "I let my emotions consume me," as some say. Little did I know that, not only does she gets off at the same station I do, she even goes to the same event I was going to and, to my delight, she was again at a stare-distance from me at the event. Yet, to cut the story short, I saw her again, in a really-weird-twist-of-fate, at a Filipino friend's party (did I say she's a Filipina?).

In the midst of all this, there are two things I want to say. The first thing is this ---People naturally gets attracted to one who is full of love. With her, I know she has it; I can see it in her eyes, in her gestures, in how she presents. Love emanates and shines over the people around her. And if you let it in you, you will love as well, as love can be very, very infectious.

The second thing is this ---that there's a difference between limerance and love. When you "limerate", you feel this intense emotion, a very strong infatuation, a swirling passion. According to psychologist Ellen McGrath, "Limerance lasts, on average, six months. It can progress to love. Most love in fact starts out as limerance, but most limerance never evolves into love." I'm not saying limerance is value-less. Quite the contrary, it is very valuable. It represents life and vitality. But please do not mistake it for love. I would not elaborate so much of my reflections these right now but just to say that love is a skill we learn to do (goodness! it may be the only skill that may show us the meaning of our lives), and that love is an activity and not passion (although passion is an added bonus when you love nonetheless).

So there. Anyway, I think this story with her will no doubt continue kasi magkakilala na kami. But even if nothing pans out, it's ok with me. I don't know if you have been keeping track of what I've been saying but I feel like with these past few months, I am being reborn. I am beginning to feel. This may not be important for others but it is to me. And she represents another milestone to the right path, much like what other people have shown me as well. And to all these I am forever grateful.

Like they say, "You can lead a horse to the water but you cannot make him drink." I am that horse. Ultimately I will have to find my way. And the way is this...

Let love infect you. Let love affect you. Let them in.

4 Comments:

At 10:56 PM, Blogger m said...

tsk. tsk. task. you sound like a stalker to be! :-)

 
At 11:48 PM, Blogger kauban said...

uy, di ako stalker. stalkee lang. at ang point ko naman is... ugh! o sige na nga! sabihin ko na. torps ako!!! torps kahapon. torps ngayon. torps forever. ngee.

 
At 7:22 PM, Blogger m said...

stalkee? ano yun? hilig mo mag imbento :-) may utang kang kuwento sa akin. ang mahaba at masalimuot mong love story. handa na akong malaman :-) email mo ako...

 
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