Friday, March 10, 2006


You have won. Finally. You have broken through to my heart. And now it is able to burst in tears. I can feel!! My goodness!!! The joy even in pain of actually experiencing life, of capturing moments, of dancing in the rain, of being able to feel you even in your absence.

And in between the memories and the fantasy, is the Janus-faced reality. No words can express my gratitude for you being there for me. For the love that you gave, for all the support, for all our experiences of living together (catching moments, fleeting time),... and in your choice of "death" only to give me "life." You have given me hope when I had none. You have shown me how to love when I chose to hate. My God! I cannot bear to think of all the pain that you have gone through for me. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish that I could take away all those things and the madness I've put you through. I wish I could erase all your pain and replace it with memories of new.

But such were the choices that led to my fate. And no matter how I beg to the stars, there are certain things that just has to be. Memories are made to be remembered and not replaced.

So I only hope that you find the love that you have been looking for. And I hope that life will return you to the place you deserve to be ---of golden hearts, of playful children in the rain, of joyous sharing of laughter and time, of tenderness and oneness as you lay down.

And know that where you are happy, in my heart of hearts I rather you be. I have found the love that transcends my pain of losing you. And I hope you find it too.

I can't forget you, but I will not let your love go to waste. I promise.



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