Tuesday, January 02, 2007

"Happy New Year!!! Ano, ready ka na ba?" ------

...got nothing new to blog, except that it's been three days pa lang since the new year started and I already feel exhausted from work. Good thing lang na may bago akong set ng bakasyon to take whenever I want to. I thought I was gonna have time to wind down through the holidays pero for some reason I felt pressed to do things. It kind of sucks that I didn't get to enjoy the family as much as I hoped to but everybody was feeling hectic din in a way so the whole interaction was not really set for joking each other and playing at least two rounds of poker...I guess the fun and games would have to wait another day, hopefully sooner than later.

hmmm... I wonder how often a normal person feel a sense of disconnect with his/her life? Some say it is the sickness of grown-up people: learned apathy. I wonder, how often do you feel this way? Once a month? Once a year? Or once a day? There is another word for this trait ---"the blues." Some people sing, some people sulk, some people have an escapist heart.

I can probably attribute times in my life that moulded my learned apathy. A broken brat, a broken heart, a broken child. These things, grounded up and placed in a salt shaker, and sprinkled over my day-to-day diet of living probably determines about 90% of why I get the blues. The worst part of it all is when one starts to feel the tingling feeling of a jaded, jagged, meaningless life. I still get that. Maybe not as much as I used to, but I still get surrounded by the fear of a wasted time. Today's blues started yesterday. I got into this mode of going through the mundane motions of working and I struggled to get my bearing, trying to make sense of where I'm at and what I'm doing. The only good thing about now is that I just think of the relationships I am slowly building (yes, very slowly, but only because I care), with my renewed sense of sensibility, and the humbleness of heart knowing that I too have to actually become a chalice (yep! I did watch Da Vinci Code) only to be filled by whatever people let fall.

I miss the jokes that dear friends make with their unique twist of perverted minds... (no daj, honestly, I was not thinking about you and your ways of fondling, I mean fiddling, I mean rocking yourself to sleep).


At 5:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

if you want to be a chalice, then allow yourself to be molded and be shaped accordingly. so that you can have the strength and the power to hold things...to hold life....like a womb......


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