Sunday, January 07, 2007

I like Sir Jodl's blog header. In silent moments along the day, I keep thinking of how I used to see things. "Go back to your roots! Go back to your roots!" is all I can say at times that I feel lost. And in the shallow way of how I can bring myself back to how I used to be, I feel a sense of belonging somehow, that I can feel home in my thoughts, that then can I move again to new levels of my awareness. This is the person I know, this kid that wonders aimlessly through pebbles in the backyard, the one who can be a superpassionate brat, a relentless challenger, one who laughs like crazy it infects some while others run away annoyed... this is me, while others think it a curse, it is still my face I want others to see. It is in this self that I am truly me, where true friends gravitate towards; others simply flee.


I was with my cousins yesterday celebrating our lovely cousin J4's b-day. We watched Cars, as our 5-yr old cousin J5 simply confessed that it is the best movie he has seen thus far. Then, while everybody was gathering around for the cutting of the cake, I pulled a prank on my other cousin J2 using clip hangers with dangling balls on the back of his coat. J2's wife thought it was so funny she couldn't help herself. J2 insisted on telling him what the heck is going on and he discovered the clip which he then took off. He felt proud to have discovered the prank without anybody's aid. He started mocking us saying "Haaha! Funny! Funny!!!" and that was when I just fell down and burst out laughing that my stomach was about ready to cramp. He did not realize that there was another one left dangling!!! Everybody started cracking up until J2 look back again and saw the remaining clip and felt so embarrassed. I have to say, I never laughed this much in a long time...


A friend told me once (and I must have blogged it somewhere) that it is a mistake to find your happiness in another person. What she meant was that if you think you need another person to make you happy (or complete), you're totally mistaken. Happiness is what you find in yourself, and it is this happiness that you then share, not the other way around. Though I was retorting back saying, "But 'no man is an island' and that you need people to survive," in a lot of ways I admit she's most right. It was when I was happiest in my life that I found myself loving so much, and it was when I was saddest in my life that I found loving so hard. Psychologists know that depressed people lack the capacity to love. I just found that out just now.

"There is beauty in engaging with the world. You have to find yourself, in order to find yourself engaging..."


At 5:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 3:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

she must be an intersting person?!!!!


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