Monday, January 29, 2007

A day at work finds me feeling a bit better thinking that the inspectors are done going through stuff in my department. Their inspection, while it carries the sort of paranoia felt by management which of course trickles down to the ordinary worker (like me!) , had me 'prep'ing up as well since i was supposed to be the one running the machines when they come. Ordinarily, i wouldn't care about what the company thinks; however, I have come to build relationships with my coworkers and the floor supervisors that I felt I needed to be there to carry my load as well. At least now that it's done, I can go about my business again and take care of thinks that deserves caring.

During lunch, I was asking my coworker if she has ever been depressed. She said quite promptly, "what do you mean? of course! back when I was 13, I felt that I did not matter. I wanted to kill myself. people around me were being mean to me about my complexion that it was hard to go through every day." Then I asked her how she got over it and she replied, "I'm not sure. I guess it was because of my grandma, and how she told me that she loved me everyday, and that in fact, I did matter for her." Then she added, "nowadays, I am a lot happier, because I do not depend on others to make me happy."

After work, the words of the E-heads song Hard To Believe continue to reverberate in my head:

..."It's so hard to believe when everything you see is different from the things that you've been told."

It never fails. Realizations of truth always bring about a sort of fresh feeling that normally comes at birth. A brand new day. An open-wide horizon. For some time now, I have meant to post a poem I found off of the internet archives. It is a popular poem, at least in parts. But when I read the whole thing in its entirety, it came to me with a new meaning, something of a discovery of a certain truth that has always been evading me for some time before. Nowadays it makes more sense, and hopefully it does to whoever reads it as well. So here it goes... (don't mind the title... it's quite deceiving! :)


by Roy Croft

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can't help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good,
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

...I've been thinking lately, and I wonder ---really, is there any other basis for love other than this?


At 9:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes the problem lies in the fact that you think too much. I have been reading your blog for quite some time now and I have noticed that you spend too much time on making sense of everything. Yeah, sure that's good but sometimes you just have to "chill". Let things be. Stop reflecting on everything.

At 9:25 PM, Blogger m said...

that got to have hurt...

At 2:10 AM, Blogger Gigay said...

hmm, in love siya.... hehe..

anyway, just wanna say na can relate ako dun sa co-worker mo. oi, hindi dun sa depressed dahil sa complexion ha. grabe, alam kong maitim ako pero no care ako diyan. wehehe..

ako man natuto nang wag iasa ang kasiyahan ko sa ibang tao. dumaan din ako sa moments na umiikot ang mundo ko sa ibang tao. pag di siya masaya, di ako masaya. e di ko pala kayang pasiyahin. ang hirap, kauban.

kaya ngayon, care ko. madali naman akong sumaya e. now i learned na happiness will really come to you if you allow it to. kaya, oo nga, wag na meshado seryoso. ",)

At 12:42 AM, Blogger kauban said...

ate gigay!!! kumusta na si 'tol kay 'tol!


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