Wednesday, November 18, 2009

For folks who know me, I am at a juncture in my life. The last entries have actually been telling that I have been doing my farewell rituals. This includes looking at all my files and getting rid of most of my stuff except for the few that I want to keep. This is how I came across the old letters stuffed deep in the closet. It's been over 15 years since I read those letters and quite frankly, I was excited to read them again.

As to my loneliness though, it is true that I stuck myself in a room for three days. I do not think that my stating this as fact do not necessarily mean I am dwelling on this anymore (although I do have the propensity to do so). I simply wanted to show how much those people in my past meant to me.

But quite honestly though, the initial years were really sad years, in as much as one becomes homesick. And yes, I cried to the point that my tears stopped falling. But to place it in another context now, not to deny the sentiments then, such as mine can be construed as a migrant story, with me somehow affected more, probably because of my make-up.

Addendum: I actually want to add two more things that struck me after reading the letters.

The first one is that I totally forgot corresponding with Michelle (we've written each other numerous times for about three years, then we stopped writing altogether). That's bad. It would be better if we're friends on facebook (as bad as that sounds) but we're not. I keep looking for her still.

The other thing is that I have always kept in my memory that one of my good friends never liked me, and that is the reason why we parted ways. But after reading his letters, it dawned on me that it was not the case. We were really good friends. And he was as much invested of our "barkada" as I was. Another blunder. Man. Hopefully I can patch things up, however long the time was. Yuck.


At 4:30 PM, Anonymous Rhon said...

i'm going to miss you! i would love to receive snail mail letters from you, even if we also maintain a facebook friendship :-)

hopefully, i'll see you in the p.i. in may. double-hopefully, i'll be bringing amir with me for the first time, too.

At 1:55 AM, Blogger kauban said...

thanks rhons! i will forever be grateful to you. your existence in my life has meant a steady and truthful friendship, and I will always cherish that. take care here. i will try to hold the fort there... :)!


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