Tuesday, April 18, 2006

(Sigh!) Some days are like today. Had a pretty easy load at work but am restless. Catch myself looking outside the window looking at the trees and the bay on a sunny day but thoughts of i dunno what just sticks me to the wall. Riding on a rollercoaster ride of emotions, one moment i feel so high, the next I'm about to... well, you know. Good thing my coworker was there to cheer me up (thanks Antoinette! I owe you one). She told me she missed having me around while I was off to a long weekend in LA with Pat and her son Tristan and friends. I had great fun I said, with all smiles.

(Sigh!) But some days are really like today. I couldn't think straight, I don't really feel like eating. Hell, I was at Borders with my good friend Christian and I was amazed at myself... can you believe it?! I don't even want to read philosophical books!!! (yep! that's me!!!) I was trying my best to convince myself to either buy Philosophy and Matrix; or Philosophy and Lord of the Rings; but I just don't have the drive to dive into such serious sh-- right now. I told him I really just want to read something more interesting ---like a jokebook for once; maybe this will cheer me up. He asked me if I am a needy person when I'm in a relationship. No hesitation to answer cause I've been asked this so many times and I know myself. YEP!!! I'm a very needy person. I just am. I try hard not to be. But I am. Then he said, "If two people feed off each other, then that's called love. But if one only feeds off the other, that's neediness." Hmmm...

(Sigh!) Yep! Some days are really like today. Very weird. My chest tightens, my shoulders are just falling, my face... well, my face. Pensive and a little troubled, I guess. (Can somebody say 'what? On a sunny day like this?!!')...

...Real Emotions. Never felt like this in a very, very, very long time.

My soul that I tried to hide for so long is finally now coming back. Finally. I think I'm close to where I really want to be... home.

Funny. I don't know why, but somehow I got this music box thingy from the City Walk over the weekend with that music from Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy together with the lion, the tin man, and the scarecrow, they all hop along singing, "I'm off to see the wizard...!"

Yep! Some days are like today.

...And I love every single bit of it.


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