Monday, October 30, 2006

Witnessing the wedding vow ---it goes something like this...
"...and I don't care if we eat pizza all dinner. As long as you are with me, it tastes so much better than McD's... I loved you the moment I laid my eyes on you. And I promise to love you even more..."
To a beautiful start...

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Row, row, row your boat
Gently down to sea---
Merrily, merrily, merrily
See ya'll in a week!!!
...My cousin's gonna get married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>: )

Wednesday, October 18, 2006


1. Was busy looking over my friends' friends sa friendster. Naku, they are my friends too pala! So I went on a rampage asking them the straight-up, e-way, "_____, Ken u be my pren?" And, either by sincerity or pure pity, you know what? The also consider me their e-pren!!! Naks! (I had fun though remembering all y'all and, as Mark said, somehow, there's that "connection with a bit of nostalgic moments...")

2. Was eating talbos ng kamote last night (I got them from my cousin's vegetable variety garden). If you know me by now, just mention the word "talbos" to me and my face lights up bigtime. I should grow a garden of it though, kasi, pinaka-super-paborito kong ulam yan! It even surpasses adobo and balatong on my list. Every time I go home sa pinas, the one thing I ask my Nana Eta is "nana, mangaliw tayoy bulong ya kamote!!!" :) So I wonder, about last night's meal being so delicious, and desires being physiological expressions of intake needs ---could it be then that salt, vinegar, leaves, and rice be a complete meal?!! ...Any nutritionist out there?

3. There are about 4 million Filipinos outside PI na nasa US (unofficial estimate), and the Philippine population is about 80 million. 1 in twenty close by. There were 200 graduates sa batch ko sa Pisay. So who are my ten batchmates dito sa tate kaya? Let's see, Dex, Pat, Karen, Tupeng, Mike, Redmond, Tina, Roy, ... (a! pati ako pala!). Hmmm... sino pa ba?

4. Clint, by your estimations, I must be a successful person then... had my sky jump two weeks ago. will post it if I can edit it into a small chunk of data.

5. Daj, Ken u b my pren?

6. Melo, bayaw!!! Ano na? Fans ka na ng mga katrabaho ko. Eh pano, prinint ko napakahabang blog mo kasi hindi ko makayang mabasa ang iyong nobela sa computer. Nakalimutan ko tuloy mga pages sa lab. Binasa. Ayun! Tanong na sila ng tanong. Sino ba yung... mmmm.... lalakeng sumulat nu'n? >: )

7. Daj, ikaw na lang hindi nag-aaprove ng friendster invitation ko!!! Malilintikan ka sa kin pag di mo ko sinagot!!!

8. Nggeeeeeee!!!! Hehehe!!! Acheche!!!

Friday, October 13, 2006

"Why do we hurt the people we care about? Why do we find pleasure in pain... "

"And we cut ourselves first, sometimes deeply ---in order to receive some grace... and some morphine. "


Life is so odd. We brave the waters of life, and we fall for the unseen. Then many times in our lives, we find that when we fall, no one is there to catch us. Or worse, people that we least expect hurt us deeply, whether intentionally or not. We hurt at times by man-created acts, though other times we also get hurt by natural causes. Regardless though, in spite of endless rationalizations of "maybe he/she/it did this because of this or that" or "your tragedy happened because," the pain is equally real.

And so we rage, sometimes like a kid does when his toy, his "object of affection", is taken away from him (Yes, I admit. This is more poignant in my life; but mind you, do not deny >:)). We pout, we shout, we stomp our feet in indignation, as an act of rebelliousness, ---we cry. We hate. We repel every ounce of pain. We punch back into thin air.

Sometimes though we shrink into our own shells. We hide away. We close the doors, in a room where it is utterly dark, but nevertheless a room which cannot hurt us. We shut off, and run away from the rest of the world. We close our eyes on everything else. We disappear...

...I disappeared. Yet, I was content. I was satisfied with what I have. It did not matter anymore that I do not have what I cherished the most. In fact, not much really mattered, if there was anything at all that did. Sure, I was content alright,... but at the end of the day, I felt broken. Nothing, no one, no more can give me back what I wanted, what I needed, what I truly desired. A chronic case of long, very long tantrum, I guess. (:))

I believe though that while we react to situations differently, we all have displayed this kind of tantrum, a withdrawal from reality, an escape from it all. I see a lot of unhappy people. And if you would allow me to say, I think that these people (me included) are putting up "tantrums" in their own ways. Maybe violently banging at the walls at times, but most times we just silently rage.


However, in the round-about, twists and turns of things, something unique happens when the clouds disappear should you in your shell decide to feel the weather outside, and put your little antennae out there.

When once you felt the drag, you now see beauty;
When once you sink into deeper death, now you rise;

It is a decision; it is as choice
To choose life over death
To choose to brave the waters again;
To somehow love... again.

But pride (or ego) has it's own way of restricting us. It is definitely a human trait to be proud. To somehow be self-righteous. To not give in, nor bow down. But if we continue to thrive on this kind of attitude, we will eventually wither... We can very well raise our fist and curse the world, but what good would this do?

Fortunately, there is an alternative. We must know how to overcome the pain be letting it in (as Morrie said). We must choose to weather the storm and come out to see the day. And, least of all, we must have a sense of humility to acknowledge that we do not have all the answers, that we are not complete ourselves. We need each other (include the universe and all in it), and we are all in this together. It is the one final act in rebirth to acknowledge one's own limitation and understand one's place in the whole "thing-y."

Using my teacher's famous three words--- "LET-IT-BE!"

Just let it be. Sometimes, it is just this, this thing they call GRACE, this true acceptance of your own self and your own place, that opens yourself up to goodness, and the new visions of a better place.

Monday, October 09, 2006

am stuck in a rut. can't really blog. was laughing earlier at Gwen Stefani's video about the "writer's block."

will write soon. that's if my thoughts become clearer.

sometimes, it's good to live in the grey. but of course, hopefully not for long.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

a little something before i get off of reminiscing my father. this is a song that have been sang for the rest of my life na. my father sang it to my mother when she was in the hospital, three days before he died. he left a recorded tape that has been heard to bring back his presence over and over and over...

it's a beautiful song. i know i will dance this one day with someone. and i will sing it as a lullabye to my kids as well. >:B



Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

Monday, October 02, 2006

...hurry up while supplies last!!!

The Spider in Daj's Lair...

The past two weeks have brought many stuff in my life that I don't really know where to start. I've had the days leading up to the one special day in my life where I communed with the spirit of my dad. Then I had moments of quiet revelation about my life, how the hell have I been really, and where life is taking me too. At the same period, I experienced a felt reconnection with familial ties.

Not many people know this about me, but I have been on a trek to find myself back. For a host of reasons, I lost myself along the way. Yet in spite of this, I reentered the journey back home, and this past few years have been a road that is filled with painstaking struggle, with so many hides to shed, and so many scabs to heal. It is in this past two weeks though that I am realizing how far I have traveled, and how much I have gained along the way. Through it all, I have learned a few things that I will now share. A little bit of quiet reflection, please. Here it goes...

1. Love and life is how you make of it. Just like how the glass is half-empty or half-full, it is in the point of view that will lead one to his/her own future. And contrary to public opinion, seeing the glass as half-full is quite a brave act actually. Folks who look at it half-empty needs more work to transform their lives (that's if they first and foremost choose to).
2. There is a lesson to be learned about humility in the face of one's denial of aspirations. There is a quiet consolation in knowing that such is life, and that it is okay, really. And that half the things in this world is really not within your power, because the other half is with someone else. But that's the beauty of it, you see. Because in the sharing of sentiments, feelings, and aspirations, it opens one to the real profound experience in the sharing of each other's lives, in the communion of each other's souls.
3. Some call it the Gestalt theory, where the whole is more than the sum of its parts. Others call it the systems paradigm, where nature (and existence for that matter) cannot merely be deduced into a mechanistic view that is soulless and utterly predictable, but is rather alive and very much dynamic. In religious parlance however (the place where I am from), I am slowly coming to realize a more profound understanding of who I am in this world, and what my part is in the whole, and like Tolstoy in so many ways ---coming to terms with one's existence in the face of one's Creator. In other words, we are not alone. We are intricately a part of a "web design."
4. Just like learning humility, one must know a sense of what can be done and what is purely illusory. While imagination can bring forth so much satisfaction (especially for a daydreamer like me, hehe!), there is a deeper happiness in knowing that you have brought about intentions into reality, especially when it is done together.
5. There are so many things that are wrong in this world. The way our relations are set-up is backwards in so many ways. I'm talking about wars, about indifference to each other, about alienation from the human heart. But, at the same token, it can only be that we work to bring out the humanity in all of us. It can only be but our goal to create a better future, and a more harmonious state of our children. However, one must also not forget to fill one's self with the treasures that life has bestowed to us along the way, in the midst of struggle, in the communion with others, with the universe, with our "Creator", with love and life.

Life is beautiful, or so the movie says...

The calender month quote in our house reads, "Teach us delight in simple things." (Rudyard Kipling). Funny. In a distant past, I would have thought it a cheesy expression. But now, it strikes me, not as an idealistic quote, but rather as a thought that has already passed me twice over.