Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Whew! Thank goodness I did not say anything bad or nasty yesterday sa blog. I wasn't sure of myself especially under urges to smoke. Good thing I did not say anything that I regret so far. At least, my statements can be construed as just plain "nag-e-emote ka na naman 'no?!" Hehe!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

It's my father's birthday today. I don't know if it is by coincidence, but I decided once again to try my luck in quitting my cigarette-smoking hobby. I'm having my first symptoms of withdrawal ---night sweating!!! (mind you, this is not TB! I was cleared by a doctor just this year).

I've attempted to quit about 5 times before. Those times, there was someone to hold me; this time, there's no one. If predictions could be made by logic, just for this mere difference I have better luck this time. But such prediction can be only useful with the hope it brings. Otherwise, it is better to take it "one day at a time."

Just like my supervisor said today, "Sometimes, you have to make hard decisions. Decisions that determine a big chunk of what life there is to come."

I really don't know what awaits though. I can fancy, but most times I should just be keeping it to myself. I've been known to daydream so much that it ruins other people's lives. So I will try my best to not let my feelings overflow so everybody feels safer. No risks. No turning of the leaf. Just straight-up hellos and goodbyes, as the world turns round and round and every day we're all a day older.

(Oh boy! Another withdrawal symptom kicking in... aggressive tendencies, bad moods. Uh!oh!I'm pretty sure I'll regret what I said here. Regrettable. I don't know what else to say. Just plain regrettable).

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Closing Cycles
by Paulo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts - and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one thatshows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment." Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

melo, ba't di natin nakita to... siguro, na-istak tayo sa skylab nya no? ano'ng klaseng title naman kasi yon?!

eniweys, Allan, kung mabasa mo man to... ang galing mo erp!!!


by Allan Popa

Lumingon ako at nakita ko ang sarili
Sa kuwadro ng isang malaking salamin
Matagal ko nang hindi tinitingnan
Ang sarili dahil sa abala ng paghahanap-
Buhay na naglalayo sa mga gawaing tulad
Ng pananalamin. Marahil, kung hindi ako
Hinarang ng isang salamin, hindi ako
Mapipilitang makipagkita sa sariling nasa
Loob ng salamin.Kumiling ako upang umiwas
Ngunit isang salamin ang muling tumambad.
Sa madaling salita, natagpuan ko ang sarili
Sa bulwagan ng mga salamin. Noon ko
Nadama ang sinasabing pagnanais magising
Sa isang panaginip. Hindi ko tiyak kung ako
Ang nasa salamin o kung ako ang nananalamin.
Hindi ako makaalpas! Alam kong ang landas
Palabas ng bulwagan ny nagkukubli sa loob
O likod ng salaming kailangan ng basagin.