Saturday, April 29, 2006

Soul Meets Body
(Death Cab For Cutie)

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there's a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they're far more suited than here

I cannot guess what we'll discover
Between the dirt with our palms cut like shovels
But I know our filthy hand can wash one another's
And not one speck will remain

I do believe it's true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you're the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body

I do believe it's true
That there are holes left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you're the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Friday, April 28, 2006

O, alam ko miss niyo na kaming mga nandito sa tate. So eto na yung mga DM fans (and their loved ones) na akala nila nasa pisay pa sila sumasayaw sa Aquaintance party!!! Harhar!!!


















The closest we can get to touch (in tagalog, mahipuan daj!) si Dave Gahan (Mr. Badingerzi raw!). Pangit ng kuha ng camera ko. Pagpasensyahan.


















Dahil sa limitasyon ng abilidad, este, ng camera ko, pinagtripan na lang. Experimentation on artistic impressions (Mr. Valido, in memoriam)


Title: Anxious Heart
















Title: [untitled]


















Sayang! Di nila kinanta "Katawan ni Kwan". Kaya sa pagkadesperado, kinanta na lang namin pauwi, post-show. Sus! Pinagpipilitan talagang marinig...

Pero, sa lahat-lahat, masaya ang concert. Andaming tao, anggaling ng mga visuals, Depeche Mode na Depeche Mode pa rin ang dating na parang kailan lang...

Kung kaya,... aminin nyo pa rin... INGGIT LANG KAYO!!!!!! Hehehe!!!

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Okey...

...melo, et. al. ngayon na nakita nyo na 'tong blog na to, eto ang mga dapat gawin (in English, the Top Ten Commandments):

1. kilatisin nyo na ng husto kung ano nga ba sinasabi ko. (meditate on my words)
2. tumawa at humalakhak sa kapraningan ng kaklase nyo. (laugh at my cheesiness)
3. mag-isip ng kaunti sa mga sinasabi ko. (don't use too much ponder, or powder for that matter)
4. alamin kung ano na nga ba nangyayari sa loob ng kukote ko. (pry my head open, pretend you're Hannibal... whachak!)
5. magcomment ng kung anu-ano. (say whatcha gotta say)
6. buhayin ang samahan, sana naman hindi sama-an. (think good thoughts ...yaiks!)
7. magmuni-muni ng husto. (think sexy! thoughts ...imagine!)
8. huwag kayong magkalat ng masasamang ispiritu, lalo na sa mga impakto. (don't say bad words)
9. pagpasensyahan nyo ang kakornihan ko. (laughter is the best medicine ---teka, baliktad ata sa number 2)
10.sama nyo naman ako sa usapan nyo. (I'm going home in December.....)


Other than that, sige! Pagpyestahan nyo na!

Punta ako sa Depeche Mode concert bukas! Baka post ako pictures later pag kinakanta na nila Somebody (in tagalog, katawan ng syota ko).

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

TO ATOM AND FRIENDS---

Musta kayong lahat!

Daj, walanghiya ka, apat na araw ko ng kinakanta blasphemous rumours!!!

Melo, kakatawa naman blog mo.

Clint, hirap namang humanap ng lifesize poster ni Natalie Portman! Palitan ko na lang ibigay ko sa yo sa deal natin. 10 tabletas ng Levitra na lang!!! (Haha!)

Maya, balita ko buntis ka raw. Sino'ng ama?

Teret, naaalala mo ba yung Zambales (ca. 1995 ata) retreat natin lahat? Istrayking pose. (Tingnan mo post ko April 2)

Roy, kita tayo ni Dex. Totoo bang may asawa na yon. Nasa'n prweba?

Ate Vi, musta ka na?

Glen, musta ka rin?

Kit, kasal ka na ba, engaged, o "sexual scientist" pa rin? (pasensya na, si Melo and nakakuha ng pangalang "philosophically sexual")

Sa iba na nalilimutan ko, pasensya na, ganito palang tumatanda. Maya, biro lang ha, baka magalit ka >(:))

...Long live ATOM!!! (kahit na wala na raw sa mga sections ng Pisay. Pa'no na yan? Mga remnant subparticles of da whole na tayo...)

Monday, April 24, 2006

Mylene-

Always wishing for your happiness. Happy Birthday!!!

-Jand

===================
SARANGGOLA SA ULAN
by Gary Granada

Naririnig ko pa ang tawa’t hagikhik
Ng una kong sinta at kalarong paslit
At ang sabi ng matatanda
Siya ay maalwan, ako’y dukha
Di raw kami bagay at kayraming dahilan
Ngunit si Bakekay as walang pakialam
Sa aming kamusmusan
Kayraming palaisipan
Ngunit tatlong bagay ang aking natutunan...

Ang pagasa’y walang hanggan,
Pagibig ay walang hadlang,
At lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan.


At kung ang pagsinta ay di man nagtagal
Ang mas mahalaga natutong magmahal
Umibig ng walang panghihinayang
Kahit malamang na masaktan
Kanina lang, sa aking tabi may aleng lumiko
At sa pagmamadali, nasagi ang aking puso
Eto na naman sa aking kabaliwan
Na sinasabi nga nilang suntok sa buwan
Ngunit hindi hihindian
Ng tulad kong natuto nang
Magpalipad ng saranggola sa ulan

Gaya ng lagi’t laging sinasabi ko
O siya nawa ay siya na nga ang totoo
Eto na naman ako sa aking kabaliwan
Na sinasabi nga nilang suntok sa buwan
Ngunit hindi hihindian
Ng tulad kong natuto nang
Magpalipad ng saranggola sa ulan---
Heto ako tumatandang
Nakahandang panindigan
Ang bato sa tubig ay lulutang...
...At lilipad ang saranggola sa ulan

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

What is the reciprocal of zero?

Is one plus one really two?

If you chance to go back to a place you were before, is it really the same?

When you found true love and lost it, can you find true love again?

Do you really have to die in order to be reborn?

--------------------------------------

People say they "find" love, as if it were an object hidden by a rock. But love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman. What people find then is a certain love. And Eddie found a certain love with Marguerite, a grateful love, a deep and quiet love, one that he knew, above all else, was irreplaceable.
(from The Five People You Meet in Heaven)

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Dajac, didiketed para sa yo 'to. Madapa ka sana!!! Haha!!! ...Tanginenets! Miss kita man. Huwag ka lang magkakamaling tawagin akong bading!!! Alam ko matagal mo na akong niyayaya, pero, di kita type eh! Haha! Ugok! Musta mo na lang ako sa mga lalakwe mo. (Ay! Charing!!!)

O sya. Paaandarin ko na eksena. Tawagan na lang ulit.

------------------------------------------

Lovely,

I love the way your face shines.
I love the way you smile.
I love the way you make fun of things.
I love your look when your thoughts fly away.
I love every inch of you.
I love being with you.
Though you rattle my mind
More often than others.
I love it when you talk
About life, about your thoughts
About your love.
Somehow, I care deeply for you,
I like to see you happy
I would like to see you grow.
I like to see you run away
Past all the hurts and pain
Into open fields
Where the grass continually grows.
My heart cries out for your heart.
I like to fill you with kisses
I like to share the innermost part
Of my self to you.
I like to have that one moment
Where everything stand in their own place
Where the moon is ripe
And the stars are reflected in your eyes.
And the whole world swirls around us
You and me
Caught past all the burden of life
And into blissful existence
Into tomorrow
Into endless space and time
...I do love you, you know,
And I want to grow together with you
In fact, I want to be with you forever...
Yet I do not know how.
With my own insecurities,
My own fears,
My own pain.
But I will try.
To take you to endless spring.
With my life, my heart, my time.
With all my love...
And my unfamiliar lines.

Friday, April 21, 2006

REPRINT

Life Wasted
by PearlJam

I have faced it
a life wasted
I'm never going back again
Having tasted
a life wasted
I'm never going back again
I escaped it
a life wasted
I'm never going back ... again

I don't really like to talk about hate nowadays. But today I am reminded of the one thing that I hate the most... hypocrisy.

Ayoko ng plastic, man.

I can take arguments, I can take debates. And if I need to encounter, I would prefer someone to obviously hate me and pout at my face. But I don't like hypocrites who would like to pretend they are your friends and smile and ask how your day is (like they even care!). And they even call me "partner?!!" But then again maybe it's just me.

All I'm saying is this. Try your best to be who you are. It's okay. I can take the hurt, the pain, the whatever. But at least I know that you're real. And I know that you can still be who you are in front of me.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

In the spirit of ultimate cheesiness!!! Whewhooo!!!!! ...Hehe!!!

WORDS

Smile an everlasting smile, a smile can bring you near to me.
Don’t ever let me find you down, cause that would bring a tear to me.
This world has lost it’s glory, let’s start a brand new story now, my love.
Right now, there’ll be no other time and I can show you how, my love.

Talk in everlasting words, and dedicate them all to me.
And I will give you all my life, I’m here if you should call to me.
You think that I don’t even mean a single word i say.
It’s only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away

...Koochi-koochi-ku!!!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

(Sigh!) Some days are like today. Had a pretty easy load at work but am restless. Catch myself looking outside the window looking at the trees and the bay on a sunny day but thoughts of i dunno what just sticks me to the wall. Riding on a rollercoaster ride of emotions, one moment i feel so high, the next I'm about to... well, you know. Good thing my coworker was there to cheer me up (thanks Antoinette! I owe you one). She told me she missed having me around while I was off to a long weekend in LA with Pat and her son Tristan and friends. I had great fun I said, with all smiles.

(Sigh!) But some days are really like today. I couldn't think straight, I don't really feel like eating. Hell, I was at Borders with my good friend Christian and I was amazed at myself... can you believe it?! I don't even want to read philosophical books!!! (yep! that's me!!!) I was trying my best to convince myself to either buy Philosophy and Matrix; or Philosophy and Lord of the Rings; but I just don't have the drive to dive into such serious sh-- right now. I told him I really just want to read something more interesting ---like a jokebook for once; maybe this will cheer me up. He asked me if I am a needy person when I'm in a relationship. No hesitation to answer cause I've been asked this so many times and I know myself. YEP!!! I'm a very needy person. I just am. I try hard not to be. But I am. Then he said, "If two people feed off each other, then that's called love. But if one only feeds off the other, that's neediness." Hmmm...

(Sigh!) Yep! Some days are really like today. Very weird. My chest tightens, my shoulders are just falling, my face... well, my face. Pensive and a little troubled, I guess. (Can somebody say 'what? On a sunny day like this?!!')...

...Real Emotions. Never felt like this in a very, very, very long time.

My soul that I tried to hide for so long is finally now coming back. Finally. I think I'm close to where I really want to be... home.

Funny. I don't know why, but somehow I got this music box thingy from the City Walk over the weekend with that music from Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy together with the lion, the tin man, and the scarecrow, they all hop along singing, "I'm off to see the wizard...!"

Yep! Some days are like today.

...And I love every single bit of it.

Monday, April 17, 2006

[UNTITILED]

Sleep my dear, in the shadows of the forest
In the twilight of the moon, as the trees sway
To the breeze of the night
Quiet as you lay, resting from all the pain

Walk freely across the woods, speak no evil
Embrace the trance, the song
Pluck a flower, wear the beauty that you are
Play, sing, dream, release your fears...

...And bask in the love I give
I am the forest, roam free.

JUST A NOTE TO MYSELF

I know a girl who then became a close friend of mine. We shared moments together, laughed, explain to each other our views of the world, and talk, talk, talk, and somehow find our chances to just smile and enjoy each other's company. Then I began to grow feelings of a different sort. So I told her what I'm feeling. In short, 'torps' as I am, I braved the waters (mind you, that's hard for a torps like me). I told her how much she meant to me, how much I am growing feelings for her, and in effect, from where I stand as I view my world, I am falling in love with her.

I wanted it out. To not be ashamed of my feelings, and to really tell her how special she is to me. But she smiled, and I very well know that smile of the worried kind, and she explained her own fears to me. She said, quite frankly, that I am her friend. She enjoys my company as a friend. She would like to retain our friendship. She is not interested in a commitment of any sort to anyone. And, most of all, she is afraid of losing my friendship if and whenever it does not work out for both of us...

After that, I said more things to her. But I'll refrain from saying more. I just want to know from y'all what responses and/or actions you'd make ---if ever you were put in my place. Actually, before anything else, my real question is ---WHAT THE %$#@%&... WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY??!@$%

Disclaimer Note: This may be true, or this may have happened to me more than once, or this may be totally fictitious for all its worth. In other words... (gulp) HELP!!!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I am not a perfect person. I know. Nobody expects this out of anybody, right? Yet, do we really mean what we say? Don't we still blame others for their own mistakes? Don't we go around saying it's okay, life is just that, that we live, we enjoy the company of friends, we try to enjoy life as we really should. Yet once things don't go our way, we succumb to the blame-game, that things went this way or that way because s/he did this or that, because s/he didn't listen to me, because s/he is a [put your favorite cuss word], etc. Or, better yet, the person that we blame is our own selves...

The only problem sometimes is that as much as we understand that the world is not perfect, it is so hard for our hearts to fully accept imperfection. And we sometimes see our world in static, we get stuck to noticing what others do and that they will never change. And we forget our role to being there for them as they unfold.

I believe we can achieve a beautiful world if we understand our part in making it so. And in the process, we find our own meaning.

Monday, April 10, 2006

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

I've thought a lot about the past. To the point that I don't want to think of it anymore. I just really want to move on. But every now and then, I think of all the things I did. Then I start to wonder...

I now broadcast this poem. I wonder, is it real?

So here it is now, my mental picture of your thoughts, your pain, your climactic point of choosing... I somehow wonder how close it is to what is now forever etched in time. You don't have to say. Some things are better left in the past...

The Day Before Confession

Today I wake up not knowing if he loves me
I wash my face and put on my clothes
I go out into the world of the unknown;
I go through the motions of mundane living
I can’t help at times and start thinking
What will my life be with him?
And ever end the day not knowing
If I will build a home with him,
He goes around preaching how things should be
But he never preached to me
About our life, and his love
About our future, and us together...
...I may be just fooling myself, actually
I may not really be in love with him after all,
Tomorrow, I will break to him the news…

---------------------------------------

...............................We're together as far as we are apart.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Kropek, what the heck is kropek?

I've searched the dictionary but nothing came up. I googled it and it refers to something in russian language. Well, I guess that's what she is referring to. I know she's into russian dolls. But it still doesn't quite make sense. So I dropped down the google list and up comes the pinoy slang dictionary. Wow! So that's what she's talking about!!!

Unbelievable! I don't think there is a tagalog dictionary out there that can claim to be a comprehensive reference of the language. Yet due to the power of "parallel networking," the internet was and is able to develop a reference for pinoy ebonics. Too bad though. It doesn't include the origins of the word so at least I could trace when I stopped becoming "hip". :)

Anyway, so this is what kropek means... I think I got it now. It refers to "beautiful women in red dress trying to attract would-be lovers in order to find the love that would last between forever and a lifetime but can never seem to figure out why such love is so hard to find..."

Okay. Maybe I got the wrong definition again. Damn. I'm still stuck at the Romantic era.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Fad. Uso. Craze. Bagong Gimik.

Okey, okey. Mukhang nagkakalabasan ng "Happiness is..." o kaya "I love to do this or that" recently ah! Sige, sali ako. Ako naman.

I LOVE...

1) to daydream
2) to muni-muni (pareho lang ba to sa daydreaming?)
3) to chat and find common laughter with friends
4) to talk to homeless people like we're both real, as we are real, humans
5) to secretly wink at myself in the mirror (hmmm...)
6) to look at women (okey, okey, sometimes secretly; pero di pamboboso to ha? at least I refuse to divulge...)
7) to look at pictures of the past, to capture moments of the present
8) to chit-chat with seniors
9) to tell stories to kids (deng! they force your mind to work out some creative stories!!!)
10) to smoke, to drink (I'm talking about the present, period)
11) to pretend to write poems
12) to sleep
13) to do my necessary personal activities like piss (and all the rest)
14) to talk philosophy (in tagalog, pilosopo, I think), and science
15) to listen to the lyrics of Depeche Mode and the rest of the New Wave gang
16) to dance with somebody to the music of the 50s (from big band to Frank Sinatra, Roll Over Beethoven to the 80s; I don't know, somehow my dance move got stuck at the 80's, just jumping and all)
17) to talk union
18) to help in whatever way I can to help my fellow women and men in the struggle for an "abundant" life like what Jesus has "commissioned" us to do
19) to hear jokes from people who can carry good punchlines (something I can never achieve)
20) to be...
22) to stop listing things except when necessary, like what I'm just doing right now; but before I stop, let me say one other thing that can't be left out; that is---
21) to care about the people I love, to love more broadly and to love more deeply (I really just had to add this to be more dramatic, haha!).

...So who's next?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Did I ever say that I love women? I love 'em!!! Sometimes they love me, sometimes they don't. Regardless, I still love everything about 'em!

Monday, April 03, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAYDAY!!!


There was a time when I never remembered birthdays. Or when I remember them it's been gone like a thought that just passed me by. Heck! There was even a time when I did not celebrate anything at all. What?!! Celebrate life? Why! What is there to celebrate anyway? You live, then you die. That's that. There really is nothing else that there is. Celebration's just "a waste of effort!" Pointless, pointless, pointless!!!

Then I've come to my senses... in a round about way, I suppose. I thought, "Life can be what you make it to be." No, this is not a metaphysical thought that Sartre would come to believe. There really is some truth to the saying, "The glass is either half-empty or half-full... you pick."

One of the stark memories I have in my distant past was the year after I migrated here in the US of A. I came back home, worked my way at the burger grill of McDonald's (Daj, I did achieve one of our ambitions, i.e. work at McD while in college, hehe!), only so I can buy a plane ticket to be with the "one I loved." So there I was, with the "one I loved." I had fun. Mind you, I had great fun, just being with her, spending time together, riding the jeepney (or taxi), and eating, and hearing her talk. I remember she talked for what seemed like hours (ooops! teka, teka), but to me they were like songs being sung by an angel. I can sleep knowing that she was right there with me... Anyway, what really stuck in my head was our conversation one day in her apartment. We were sitting down, and out of her frustration, she started to cry. I know why she was mad. She wanted to know what is going on in my life. I was seven thousand miles away and my visit was the one time we can share our lives together, catch up with lost time, share memories, share the joys and the pain... in a sense, to be together, our hearts, our souls, our mind. But I... I couldn't. For the life of me, I could not speak! I could really not speak!!! As much as I open my mouth, words would not flow. It's like the door was slammed shut and in my heart, there was nothing coming in, and going out. I never can really understand what happened there.

Then time moved on, we eventually broke up. She started seeing somebody else, then I started seeing somebody else as well. Fast forward.

Years went by and we never really talked. It was more because I was avoiding her. She used to make my girl (who was my coworker at the time) so mad whenever she called the lab I was working at. And I either pretended I was busy, or that I was not there. "I hate phonecalls," I used to say, "I don't like talking over the phone."

Another fast forward. In another twist of fate, me and my girl for seven years broke up. My life finally caught up with me. Or, put it another way, I was never able to catch up with her. It was at this time that all the mysteries started to unravel before my eyes. Now I know why I hated phones. Now I know why I never talked about myself. Now I know why I grind my teeth at night. Now I know why I never really look at myself in the mirror. Now I know why I never called my old friends and say hi. Now I know why I never gave gifts. Now I know why I could not speak that one day she begged me to say something. Now I know why I never celebrate birthdays...

...I was in so much pain.

I used to say this: "First you hate the pain. Then you become numb. Then it starts to grow on you. Pretty soon, it becomes your friend, and that is already when you never remember what life was like without it."

So there. This is part of my love story. I don't really feel like saying much about it not because I deny it happened, but only because I've experienced it enough and now I want to move on. I need some distance from these memories so I can feel the ray of light that's shining down on my face. I mean it when I say that the world is beautiful. It may get ugly at times, but I think it's not good to dwell on the negative side of things. "You let the pain penetrate you fully," as Morrie would say, "only so you can step away from it and experience the beauty that there is."

Anyhow, like I was saying, I have some catching up to do...

Day2, happy birthday!!! Akala ko sabi mo birthday din ni Aldwin? Happy birthday na rin kung sakali, ha? Ingat. Huwag muna kayong magtatatapon ng mga pinggan... (:))

Sunday, April 02, 2006

kauban,

kumusta ka na pre? ano na balita? pasensya ka na at tagal na nating di nag-usap. ikaw kasi eh! tinatawagan kita kaso medyo busy ka naman. okey lang. alam ko naman eh. buhay. ano pa ba! sino ba namang di gumagawa nyan di ba? sino ba namang di naghahanap ng pang-"kabuhayan"? okey lang erp. ako rin naman eh!

pero kalimutan mo muna trabaho. eto para sa yo. munting paalaala ng dating samahan. (hehe!) i believe the year is 1992 (sus! huwag mo nang kuwentahin ang edad mo, pareho lang tayo). eniweys, nahanap ko lang ulit kaya ipo-post ko dito. check out the background. actually, tatlong picture sya na magkasunod! kaso di ko na makita yung huling clip. may kopya ka ba?





PS. Tsk!tsk! anggaling talagang pumorma nina teret! mga gwapito't gwapita. di lang nila alam di sila ang pinipicturan. Haha!!!