REMEMBER?

A Public Announcement

Remember the first poem I wrote about you? I read it every now and then and even now, I still remember myself in it. Remember how I ran with you? Haha! Too stressful for me to go on but I knew I wanted to run it because I was with you and you wanted me to. Remember how I used to throw pebbles at your window at night? I ran out of them I started throwing pennies. And I remember your face lit up when we meet then. Remember all those times we went places? Yellowstone, Lassen, that picnic area by the reservoir, Hawaii, Shasta. We even went to Washington, right? And I even ran for the seals with my worn out damn heavy boots. Well, I learned to wear 'snickers' now.

I remember your face, at different points in our life. I remember your dance, as funny to me it seems but rather you. I remember the morning coffee and the cuddling of you while laying down watching your favorite shows on TV. And the quiet jovial times we sit by the fireplace drinking wine, and your obsession to being massaged. Yeah, I remember.

I do remember, while I drive my car, while I sit down smoking (yes, I still do), while looking at the night sky, while sipping coffee in the afternoon on a bench by the lake...

I want you to know that in those moments of rememberings, I cherish our time, our life. I have come to realize that you have infected my life to heights I've never seen. I have come to realize that you have spoken to my heart in the most intimate way, with a touch that eliminates all the rattle of daily life to reveal the real moments of two people together, meshing, transcending space and time, collapsing the universe into nothingness and everything at the same time.

.

I remember all these and more. And frankly, I don't think I will ever, nor would I even want to, my dear, to forget such things.

I see you, with youthful eyes that scan the western skies
With heartful joy, as the summer sun cast a light on your face
I am happy for you, sweet soul my love profess
I am happy for you, your life, and your consequential grace

If I but hope, when hope impedes your living
I detest my heart, when it moves me to your tears
I never intend, and will always portend
Though in demise my dreams forfeit to your bidding

I rather live knowing that you
Will forever be the happiest being I have ever seen, ---.

My department was sent to help out another department at work the other day, and I had the chance to work with an old coworker of mine. While there was a bit of friction to start my workday with, it actually felt good to connect with him after a long time. I remember where we both used to work at (in a department long gone), where the atmosphere was so much like family, not like the corporate, cut-throat menace of where we're at now.

At the end of the day, he tells me, "Man! It feels good to work with you once again! When are you coming back?" and I replied, "You know what? The feeling is mutual. I feel so comfortable working here with you around. But I'm not sure when I can come back. Maybe you should just move to where I'm at!!!" And we both exchanged smiles. Then I added, "You know why it feels good to work together? Because you and I come from the third world. You and I have experienced what real human interactions exists in our home countries, and we relive it when we're both together!!!" "You're right," he replied, "You are definitely right." Of course, we know that we romanticize our experiences back home, but there is truth to what I said, a certain sense of real spirituality and soulfulness back where we come from that is currently absent in the place where we are made to endure at.

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So I wake up to the smell of coffee. And in my waking I see "dead" people, lonely, lost. It is the place we live in. But knowing this, a bunch of us can start (or continue) to create a world that each human being can be proud (and content) to finally truly call our home.

No more solitary tears, no more social depression. Just wide-eyed embrace of ourselves and the other person, and our immersion into the timeless pool we call life.

Journal notes. 070317.

1. I am still that boy who walked the halls of my high school. To have made friends, to have spent time with them. To have lived a life worth living, doing things which, in the end, are the only things that matter in life.

2. I find it hard at the present to bring my life story together. I laughed at realizing that I simply cannot recollect with a certain continuity the details of my life after I migrated to the US. It is as if I have lived two separate worlds, and that no matter what I do, it continues to remain disjointed.

3. But I am slowly reconnecting the dots. I can feel it in my veins. And at those moments that I come close to bringing together my present and my past, it is not laughter I find but rather teary eyes, something similar to when you finally met a long lost friend once again. In my mind I ask him “why?” then I come quick to escape the moment to reconcile. I am not over it yet.

4. I had a conversation with a friend who had the fancy of receiving a poem from somebody. Funny, just the day before, I wrote her a poem. My only problem is I lost my notes somewhere.

5. I met an Ecuadorian in New York when I was visiting. He was my “train buddy.” We talked about the effect of migration on our families and ourselves. We laughed at Chavez calling Bush ‘El Diablo’ and how he smells like ‘el sulfur’. All in all, it was a heartful interchange, and we even talked about the beautiful New York women (and they definitely are!). I was gonna take a cab to the airport after the train, and he was hesitant to ride along as he was going towards the same direction anyway. He declined my assistance. The last thing I saw was he shook my hands, gave me a smile, and said, “So this is it, Alejandro. Good luck to you. Have a good life.” And that was it. His name is Carlos.

Kuya Og, Hapi Bertday!!! para sa yo... mukha ko!!! >:B

There is a heart that speaks of living
In the quietspeak of the mind
Where talks of a promised land
Leads to a realized life;

There is a heart that speaks of living
Where foes disappear in the distance
Where the hearts of friends collide
On a round table with wine;

There is a heart that speaks of living
Where two people lie down
In twinkling stars, in colliding smiles
And when finally, two will soon be one.

There is but one heart, one world
One soul, one world
One universe that speaks
Of destiny and a future ---betold.